Saturday, March 24, 2012

Kids say the darndest things

The kiddos at school have said and done some things that have made me chuckle this year:

1. I was wearing my Born oxfords one day at school. They aren't the height of fashion or even close, but they are comfortable shoes for someone who's on their feet all day.

Tristan, one of my third graders, walked up to me, looked down at my shoes and said, "My grandpa has shoes just like those."

("Kids," I thought.) "Oh," I said.

"No, I mean JUST like them." Out the door he trotted, and to the store I went!

When I told the young salesclerk why I was there buying new shoes, she was slightly offended. "Since I'm on my feet all day at work I wear them!"

 Just saying, from the mouths of babes - it's a bitch getting old honey!

2. Shortly after Christmas a parent came into a fellow teacher's classroom. Unaware that he was interrupting a math class he wished everyone in the class a Happy New Year and hoped that all was well. He went on to say, "Listen everyone, students are you all listening? I need to tell you all that there are parasites in the water. DON'T drink the water! There are 80 people sick in town." My fellow teacher tried to say that she didn't think so, that she hadn't heard anything about it, that our water was from a different plant. All of this was to no avail, the parent was adamant, "The water had parasites in it."

At recess one VERY impressionable student was telling me about the parasites in the water. My first thought was that this young man would never drink water again! I tried to assure him that the water was safe to drink but in a louder voice he again explained to me about the parasites as though I hadn't understood because he had talked to softly the first time.  So I put on my best game face and began telling him how the men at the water plant tested the water every 24 hours. No, they test the water every 12 hours - NO, NO they test the water every 6 hours, and when they find anything unusual in the water the officials have just the right parasite killing chemicals that the little critters are instantly annihilated.

He sadly shook his head and as he was walking off down the hall he turned and said over his shoulder, "Believe what you want."

3. I returned from my Hawaii trip feeling rested, relaxed and tan - basically ten years younger. After lunch the first day back one of the little girls came up close to me and kept staring at my face. I finally asked if something was wrong and she replied, "You look like you have makeup gopped all over your face." My tan instantly became slightly tarnished.

4. Mr. B., our principal, celebrated his birthday not long ago. The secretary made an announcement on the intercom, students made cards and expressed best wishes at lunch.

The Oreo cookie celebrated its "birthday" the same week. No one knows who originally made the cookies or how they got the name. The class had some extra time.  I thought it might be an interesting creative writing assignment for the kids to write about who made the first cookie and why they are named Oreos.

To introduce the assignment I asked,"Do you know who celebrated their 100th birthday this week?"

The answer came from the class in unison: "Mr. B's!!"